Attorney O's Midnight Musings: Connecticut Law » Divorce

Divorce Models in Connecticut

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 04:13:46 +0000

When the average person thinks about divorce, litigation comes to mind. In Connecticut, the litigated divorce model is but one option that divorcing couples may choose.

In a traditional litigated divorce (if there truly is such a thing), one spouse initiates the action by serving upon the other, via a marshal, a Summons and Complaint. While the divorce is pending, various motions to determine such issues as child support, contributions to the marital household expenses (mortgage, utilities, etc.) and the like are typically filed. A judge makes a ruling after a hearing. The court’s orders during that time are generally temporary and may or may not differ when the divorce action has reached its conclusion. For a litigated divorce, the parties may each retain lawyers or they may roll the dice and represent themselves, although the latter is generally not one’s best option. Divorce lawyers shake their heads in dismay when self-represented parties come into our offices after a divorce is over and want us to fix something they messed up because they didn’t know how to handle the issue in the first place. In many cases, it’s simply too late. The issue can’t be fixed. There are some things you can do yourself but divorce (especially when children and property are involved) isn’t something you should gamble with. Even the best divorce lawyers hire a divorce lawyer when they are going through the process themselves. There’s a good reason for it. Divorce is emotional and a skilled objective third party will usually serve you better than your emotionally-charged self will serve you. It just happens to be true. For more information on divorce in Connecticut, visit my website’s divorce page here. You may also download my complimentary brochure on the divorce process from the legal guides page of this blog here.

For couples that do not wish to spend their time in court fighting over every little thing, two other divorce models exist. The lesser known of these models is collaborative divorce. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that it’s the model I personally favor. In the collaborative model, each party is represented by his or her own collaboratively trained lawyer. Rather than file motions and attend numerous court hearings, everything is negotiated out of court in a series of meetings. When complex financial issues are at the core of the divorce, collaboratively trained neutral financial professionals and pension attorneys can be brought into the process. If there is difficulty formulating a mutually acceptable parenting plan, a collaboratively trained child specialist can be added to the team. When the divorcing couple is having communication issues that prevent them from coming up with reasonable and rational solutions, a collaboratively trained neutral coach may be used. The collaborative model is meant to be civil and respectful rather than adversarial (which is the hallmark of a litigated divorce). Each party can rely on the advice of his or her individual lawyer to guide him or her through the process. This model works best when both parties are reasonable people who are willing to fairly negotiate and try to find solutions that best serve themselves and their family. For more on the collaborative divorce model, I invite you to read a couple of my selected previous posts on the topic here and here and here.

The third model is mediation. It is a more commonly known model than the collaborative model and it differs in many significant ways. Mediation can be effective when both parties are equal — meaning that one spouse doesn’t feel less powerful or less in control of the process than the other. When there is a serious imbalance in power and control (real or perceived), the process may not yield the desired results. In the mediation model, the parties mutually retain the services of a neutral mediator. That mediator does not represent either party individually because each spouse’s separate interests may actually be conflicting. The job of the mediator is to assist the couple in coming to a final separation agreement. Sometimes mediation is highly successful. Other times, people enter into the process only to discover that the other spouse is unable to remain rational and fair. It can be a wonderful model when two people have a reasonable (and realistic) idea of how they wish to divide their marital assets and the divorce is amicable.

No matter which option you choose, remember that your spouse is also a party to the divorce. He or she must also be on board if you choose to utilize the collaborative or mediation model. When faced with an uncooperative spouse, litigation may be the only viable option.

Either way, it’s always wise to consult an experienced divorce attorney to discuss which option might best serve your needs.

————————————

Follow Attorney O’s Midnight Musings blog on Facebook for all blog posts as well as additional stories and links of interest. Be sure to LIKE our page.

————————————

Follow the Law Offices of Irene C. Olszewski, LLC on Facebook for all posts from both of my blogs as well as additional stories and links. Be sure to LIKE our page.

——————————

Visit us on Google+ and be sure to join our circle.

————————————

Disclaimer: The information, comments and links posted on the blog do not constitute legal advice. I will not respond to any specific legal questions in the comments section of this blog. Read my entire disclaimer.

Divorce Often Brings Out the Worst in People

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:55:33 +0000

I would venture to say that everyone out there in cyber land knows at least one person who has gotten a divorce. Likely, you know several. Perhaps you’ve experienced divorce yourself. Sometimes, divorcing couples are nice to each other. Sometimes they are are at least civil. Other times, they become unrecognizable strangers during the process. Why? Because divorce often brings out the worst in people.

Divorce can be an emotionally devastating time, especially when leaving the marriage wasn’t your idea. I came across this post by Susan Pease Gadoua on the Huffington Post that speaks to that issue.

Read: What Did I Ever See in My Ex?

————————————

Follow Attorney O’s Midnight Musings blog on Facebook for all blog posts as well as additional stories and links of interest. Be sure to LIKE our page.

————————————

Follow the Law Offices of Irene C. Olszewski, LLC on Facebook for all posts from both of my blogs as well as additional stories and links. Be sure to LIKE our page.

——————————

Visit us on Google+ and be sure to join our circle.

————————————

Connecticut Judge Orders Divorcing Couple to Swap Passwords to Facebook and Dating Sites

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:47:20 +0000

Unusual cases abound all the time in the divorce arena but this one really caught my attention, especially because it happened in Connecticut, where I practice law.

It seems that a judge ordered a divorcing couple to turn over their passwords for Facebook and dating sites to their lawyers. It seems that one party was deleting messages that would prove to be incriminating in the divorce trial and the other party went to court to obtain an injunction to stop further evidence tampering.

In this age of the internet and social media, an attorney can’t warn a client enough not to be foolish by ranting and raving online in a public forum. It certainly fuels fires and often backfires in the worst of ways. See my previous post on using social media sites during divorce.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Read: Judge Orders Divorcing Couple To Swap Facebook And Dating Site Passwords

————————————

Follow Attorney O’s Midnight Musings blog on Facebook for all blog posts as well as additional stories and links of interest. Be sure to LIKE our page.

————————————

Follow the Law Offices of Irene C. Olszewski, LLC on Facebook for all posts from both of my blogs as well as additional stories and links. Be sure to LIKE our page.

——————————

Visit us on Google+ and be sure to join our circle.

————————————

What to Do AFTER You Legally Change Your Name

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 23:11:33 +0000

People change their last names for a variety of reasons: marriage and divorce being the most common. Sometimes, people change their last names (or entire names) because they either don’t like the one given to them at birth or they have some ill feelings toward a family member and don’t want to be associated with the family name. [Read my previous post on the procedure for name changes in the Probate Court]. No matter what the reason, there are things you must do after you have legally changed your name. While I certainly won’t be naming everyone you should contact, here’s a jumping off point to help you out. Some of the items are linked to websites that provide specific information and forms. (They are in bold face). When the information is State-specific, it will refer only to Connecticut. If you live in another state, you should consult the appropriate agency in your area.

Birth Certificate
Driver’s License and Automobile Registration
Social Security Card
Passport
Credit Cards (call the individual bank or company for specifics)
Loans (student educational loans, auto loans, home loans, personal loans, etc).
Bank Accounts (don’t forget your ATM cards)
Financial instruments such as investment accounts, stocks, etc.
Pension Plans
Payroll Department o your employer
Department of Revenue Services (State taxes)
Internal Revenue Service (Federal taxes)
Town Clerk & Assessor’s Office (property taxes on home and auto)
Land Records (if you own real estate)
Registrar of Voters
Medical Professionals (doctors, dentist, optometrist)
Utility Companies
Airline Frequent Flyer Programs
Insurance Companies (medical, home, auto, etc.)
Schools
Professional Organizations you belong to
Auto Club (such as AAA)
Veterans Administration (if you are affiliated with the military)
Funeral Home (if you have a pre-paid burial plan)
Support Enforcement Services if you pay or receive child support
Lawyer (you may also need to revise your Will or other legal documents to reflect the change)
Mortgage Company and/or Landlord

As you can see, there’s more to a name change than simply changing your signature. Make sure to do it properly to avoid costly headaches later on.

————————————

Follow Attorney O’s Midnight Musings blog on Facebook for all blog posts as well as additional stories and links of interest. Be sure to LIKE our page.

————————————

Follow the Law Offices of Irene C. Olszewski, LLC on Facebook for all posts from both of my blogs as well as additional stories and links. Be sure to LIKE our page.

————————————

Renewable Marriage Contracts?

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 23:59:47 +0000

Divorce rates are high. It seems that the number of couples seeking divorce continues to rise. It’s a combination of factors, I’m sure, but the bad economy likely plays a part.

In an effort to decrease its divorce rate, Mexico City is proposing a renewable marriage contract that would give couples a 2-year trial run after which they can either renew the marriage or seek divorce. Hmm. There’a a novel idea for you. (Or maybe it’s just the making of a good novel??)

Here’s a link to a post about renewable marriage on the Huffington Post:

Are Renewable Marriage Contracts The Wave Of The Future?

So, what do you think about the idea?

————————————

Follow (and be sure to LIKE) Attorney O’s Midnight Musings blog on Facebook for all blog posts as well as other stories and links of interest.

————————————

Follow (and be sure to LIKE) the Law Offices of Irene C. Olszewski, LLC on Facebook.

————————————

Taxes and Your Divorce

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 18:33:24 +0000

People frequently call my office to ask how to handle tax matters following a divorce. I bookmarked an article on the topic published by Time Magazine back in April that I hope you’ll read. The link appears below.

Read: Divorce and Taxes: Five Things You Need to Know

I also previously posted on the tax consequences of alimony. Read that post here.

Specific tax questions should always be directed to your tax accountant.

————————————

Why Does A Marshal Have To Serve My Divorce Papers?

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 19:33:52 +0000

I have been remiss in my posting duties and for that, dear readers, I apologize. Summer being what it is, I’ve been insanely busy. I’m hoping that you will forgive my lapse and resume regular reading. That said …

Clients often ask me why it’s necessary for a marshal to serve divorce papers upon the other party.

The short answer is that Connecticut General Statutes 46b-45 states that “[t]he complaint shall be served on the other party.”

The longer answer is that a court requires proof that the papers were actually delivered to the other party. After serving the papers, the marshal completes a “return of service” and files it with the court.

Every party to a divorce action has the legal right to be notified that he or she is actually a party. Anyone could claim that they handed their soon-to-be-ex divorce papers when in fact, they may have done no such thing. The other party has the right to know about the pending divorce and to participate in it. They can’t do that unless they are properly notified.

For your own protection, as the filing party, the proof of return demonstrates that the other party WAS notified so they can’t come to court after the fact and claim they never had knowledge of the action. No slight of hand allowed.

One woman asked me if she could forget about the marshal service because she didn’t want her husband to find out about the divorce until it was over. She claimed that he would steal all of her money if he found out before they were divorced. Nope, sorry. There are ways to protect one’s assets … but not notifying the other party doesn’t fly.

If you plan to obtain a divorce, don’t try anything sneaky. It will only backfire on you!

————————————

No-Fault Divorce in Connecticut

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 18:26:20 +0000

Connecticut General Statute 46b-40(c) states that:

(c) A decree of dissolution of a marriage or a decree of legal separation shall be granted upon a finding that one of the following causes has occurred: (1) The marriage has broken down irretrievably; (2) the parties have lived apart by reason of incompatibility for a continuous period of at least the eighteen months immediately prior to the service of the complaint and that there is no reasonable prospect that they will be reconciled; (3) adultery; (4) fraudulent contract; (5) wilful desertion for one year with total neglect of duty; (6) seven years’ absence, during all of which period the absent party has not been heard from; (7) habitual intemperance; (8) intolerable cruelty; (9) sentence to imprisonment for life or the commission of any infamous crime involving a violation of conjugal duty and punishable by imprisonment for a period in excess of one year; (10) legal confinement in a hospital or hospitals or other similar institution or institutions, because of mental illness, for at least an accumulated period totaling five years within the period of six years next preceding the date of the complaint.

It is cause (1), ‘the marriage has broken down irretrievably’ provision, that is considered the no-fault grounds in Connecticut law.

In other words, you may file for divorce on the grounds that your marriage is no longer working and that there is no hope of fixing it. Neither party has to prove that the other party did something (like have an affair). It’s the simplest grounds on which to obtain a divorce and it’s generally the most popular cause claimed on a divorce petition.

In most cases, it’s really not necessary to allege any other grounds. Most people come to the end of the marriage and just want to divide up the assets and walk away. They don’t want to endure a lengthy trial to prove that one spouse had an affair or that intolerable cruelty forced one spouse to file for divorce. Most people don’t want such personal details aired in a public courtroom.

We’ve all heard the news reports about high profile divorce cases in which all sorts of dirty laundry is aired, much to the delight of the public viewers. The average person won’t command such media attention during a divorce but it can still be embarrassing to have personal details disclosed in an open courtroom.

Irretrievable breakdown. Simple. The marriage is over and it’s time to say goodbye.

————————————

Dirty Divorce Tricks

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:07:01 +0000

Most everyone can recall a horror story or two about a divorcing couple. People do some interesting things when faced with divorce — and the parting of their assets.

I’ve posted here before on some of the antics divorcing couples are prone to, such as not wanting to divide up the marital assets fairly.

I came across a wonderful post by my U.K. colleague, Marilyn Stowe, that is worth a read. The post is presented in 11 “slides” each with accompanying text. Be sure to read the entire post and remember not to do any of those things if you’re involved in a contentious divorce!

Read: Top 10 Dirty Divorce Tricks [Huffington Post]

————————————

A Smattering of Financial Information for Divorcing Couples

Irene C. Olszewski, Esq. — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 21:47:02 +0000

It’s no secret that when two people divorce, there are usually financial ramifications for one or both parties. I found an interesting post by Huffington Post contributor, Jeff Landers, that speaks to the issue as it pertains to women who have been part of long-term marriages. I offer it for your perusal.

Read the article: Financial Tips for Women Facing Grey Divorce

Divorce can be a costly endeavor for each of the parties to a divorce. According to my colleague, David A. Gabay (a New York divorce lawyer), it is impacted by the economy.

Read his post: Improved Economy: Now I Can Afford A Divorce!

I’ve posted before on the ways that divorcing couples often drive up the overall cost of their divorce action. Here’s a post from my colleague, Janet Langjahr (a Florida divorce lawyer), on how to keep your eye on your finances while preparing for your divorce: Divorce Preparations from a Financial Perspective

Don’t let emotions completely overtake your senses during a divorce. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s worth your time to try.

————————————