Some argue that it doesn’t cost that much per week to pay for the  expenses of the children.  Child support is intended to pay a portion of the total rent/mortgage required to house the children, a portion of the utilities required to properly care for them (electricity and water are rather important), a portion of the food they eat and a portion of the clothing they wear, among other things.  For example, if a divorced spouse must maintain a 3-bedroom house or apartment in order to properly house the children when that person would only have to maintain a 1-bedroom house or apartment if they only had to house themselves, well, that’s an increased cost that child support helps to make possible.  It’s really simple math.

That said, there are times when these difficult economic times make it impossible for a non-custodial parent to make the required weekly child support payments due to cut-backs in employment hours, unpaid furloughs or illness.

If your income has significantly changed due to no fault of your own (such as being required to take unpaid furloughs or medical issues that have cost you significant unpaid time from your employment), you may wish to explore a modification of your child support order.  You can’t request a modification simply because you chose to leave a high paying job in order to reduce your child support payments, or you quit your job and have chosen not to seek alternate employment.  Judges don’t expect your children to pay for themselves, that’s the job of the parents.

For those parents who must pay child support and find themselves in a set of legitimate circumstances that prevent them from making the required payments, it is important to remember that when your ex-spouse threatens to withhold your court-ordered visitation with your children because you have failed to make your child support payments, that person can be held in contempt of court.  Why?  Because visitation rights are not linked to the payment of child support — nor should they be linked.

I receive plenty of calls from parents who are being told they cannot see their children because they have fallen behind on their payments — or have made regular weekly payments that have not been quite as much as they are required to pay.  It’s wrong to deprive the children of their right to see the non-custodial parent because of child support issues.  Those issues are between the parents (and the courts) — not between the parents and the children.

I find it unconscionable when people use children as weapons against each other.  A child is not a weapon.  A child is a human being.  Please try to remember that the next time you use yours as a bargaining chip.

If you are owed child support and your ex is refusing to pay, don’t threaten to withhold visitation.  Call a lawyer and discuss your options.  Leave the children out of your battle.

If you owe child support and are having difficulty paying — and your ex is refusing to allow you to see your children because of it, keep the battle between the adults.  Call a lawyer and find out what you should do.

Either way, folks, please remember at all times that protecting your children doesn’t mean putting them in the middle of your disputes.

Download my complimentary brochure Child Support Laws & Procedures in the State of Connecticut: An Overview.

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Disclaimer: The information, comments and links posted on the blog do not constitute legal advice. I will not respond to any specific legal questions in the comments section of this blog. Read my entire disclaimer.

copyright 2011 Irene C. Olszewski

Parents who are engaged in the divorce process should take a few moments to view the video released by the Connecticut Judicial Branch called “Putting Children First.” The video features Superior Court Judge Elaine Gordon, who handled custody disputes as an attorney and now hears those difficult cases as a judge. Some of the statistics reported in the video may be shocking.

The video is available on DVD by calling the External Affairs Division at 860-757-2270.

Watch: Putting Children First
(This link will take you to the Judicial Branch website. Click on the link for the video and it will open on your computer screen in a media player such as Windows Media Player, which you must have installed on your system).

To avoid such disputes, it is important to have your divorce lawyer draft a visitation agreement that devotes specific language to which parent will have the children during specific holidays and birthdays. It is prudent to submit such an agreement to the court early in a divorce proceeding so that there are no issues while the parties are negotiating a final divorce settlement. It goes without saying that all final divorce agreements should contain specific visitation language with respect to holidays and birthdays.

It is important to avoid ambiguities in visitation agreements. For example, “father shall have visitation with the minor children on Thanksgiving in odd numbered years” leaves room for interpretation and thus potential dispute. What time does this visitation begin and end? Which parent will provide the transportation? Does Thanksgiving include an overnight or full weekend visitation? Taking the time to specifically address these issues in advance will save a lot of grief later.

Most people only address the “major” holidays (such as Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas) but fail to consider holidays such as Fourth of July and Labor Day. I suggest looking at a calendar to decide which holidays may expand a weekend visitation (such as Memorial Day) or which may provide an extra day of visitation due to the children being home from school. Halloween may expand the length of a visitation period into evening hours.

Finally, I have seen several otherwise well-drafted visitation agreements that completely ignore the birthdays of the parents and children. It is important to consider how parents will handle dividing time with the children on these important days.

Remember, a well-drafted visitation agreement will save you a lot of frustration (and the cost of additional court time). Be sure to give it careful thought.

[Thanks to Orange County Divorce Lawyer Blog for the inspiration]